How to Survive the Divorce Process at 50

Divorce is the tragedy of family life, the breaking of the bonds of marriage. Because of what it happens? Can it be avoided? How, and most importantly, is it necessary? How to survive the divorce?

The reasons, motives, forms, stereotypes and consequences of it will be considered in this article.

Value

Divorce is the dissolution of the marriage relationship. And, however sorry it is to admit, in modern times this phenomenon is not uncommon. Because of this, adherents of the conservative approach to life argue that the institution of the family loses its value. But is it necessary to stay officially together when there is no spiritual connection? Divorce is always more complex and multifaceted than the usual parting, because the spouses are connected by common lived life, marriage registration, sometimes - money, housing, children.

The only way out

It happens that, after quarreling, the spouses beginthink about divorce. They think that this is the only way out, while this is a completely wrong conclusion. In addition, not a solution to the problem. If the divorce of the reason is different from the inability to build relationships, then for each of them the situation will be repeated with the next partner, afterwards, and so on ad infinitum. Of course, everyone would like to be accepted as he is, cherished and cherished, appreciated and understood. But relationships are always a search for compromise and common solutions. In marriage, this is most apparent.

The attitude of society

In the Soviet Union, the institution of marriage and family hadvalue. The slogan "cells of society" clearly represented public opinion about the divorce. They were not just not encouraged, but categorically condemned by the society. For several decades, the situation has radically changed - even the divorce process has become simpler due to the increase in cases of divergence of spouses. Previously, an obligatory condition for the consent of both parties is now not so important, enough initiative at least one.

Before the wedding, everything was different

Newlyweds are often disappointed with the realitieslife. After the wedding, it suddenly turns out that in dreams everything was different and the expectations are entirely unjustified. That's why many couples are divorced after five, three, or even one year of marriage, unable to wait until they "tie" to each other. Characters in everyday life are more severe and sharper, shortcomings are seen more clearly. The solution seems to be a divorce. The reasons and consequences for these couples are always the same: they hurried, and afterwards they had to take off their rose-colored glasses, and next time be more careful.

The aggravation of contradictions

And it happens the other way round - they have lived together for many years,Together, many things have been acquired, the children grew up and began to build their lives, and the spouses, looking at each other, do not feel the former warmth and love. Feelings that were once, disappeared without a trace. The contradictions between the married couple are exacerbated, and the question arises: do you want to save what little remains, or file for divorce? Causes, categories, consequences do not interest them, they are simply tired of each other. And break on each other. A family? On the fingers there are rings, but there is no family for a long time.

Extreme measure

Divorce is the end of everything. Therefore, it is called an extreme measure, when it is no longer possible to save a marriage. That's why it's not the best option to get divorced from the heat without discussing it and thinking it over properly. But it often happens just like that: a couple stops all relationships, officially declaring that they are each other - no one, but the reasons for this do not know themselves.

Reason for divorce

It is very important to understand why the final solutionwas a divorce. The causes of divorce and the conditions for the stability of marriage are interrelated things. They represent the base. Once, each partner in a married couple was chosen their own "half." There were reasons for this. Hence, they must be and in order to push it away from itself forever.

Not the right person

It is a mistake to assume that one day was chosen "notstrong person or pragmatic calculation - there are even more options than two, but if a divorce is an attempt to escape responsibility for your decision, then the expected result is not will bring.

The material side of the question

Behind the formal phrase about "insurmountabledisagreements "as the reason for the divorce is usually something even more significant, which is why these disagreements generally appeared and why they began to develop.According to the statistics, twenty percent of divorce cases occur on the basis of poverty .The tension due to the inability of both spouses to get out of debt and there is no place for the development of any feelings, except for aggression.If there are children in the family, everything is only aggravated.

Joint living space

When a couple does not have a separate housing and she has toTo live under the roof of the parents, it can also cause an early divorce. The reasons, motives, stages and consequences of this situation are different. To develop conflict with older relatives, in fact, another family with their established rules, with which the daughter-in-law or the son-in-law does not want to be reconciled, it takes no more than two years. And if the newlyweds do not have their own housing, the small cell of society will soon fall apart without marking its fifth anniversary.

This is because the older generationseeks to control the life of the younger, while the young try to build it themselves. One partner is torn between who should be on whose side: parents or wife (husband).

Alarming signs

The psychological causes of divorce are symptomsunder the common name "feelings have changed." Habits, previously touched, begin to irritate, and each of the shortcomings suggests that the couple - no pair, but a solid fiction. It can be loss of love feelings, jealousy and impatience, sexual incompatibility or different views on life, which do not allow further joint plans. It should be understood that marriage is the fusion of two persons who should harmoniously and self-develop, and progress together.

Sociological point of view

Divorce, causes and consequences of sociologyconsiders from the point of view of the public, without going into personal relationships, which are purely individual. Its task is to reveal the meaning of divorce for the society.

Divorce as a social phenomenon has a double meaning. On the one hand, it's hard to argue with the fact that divorce is a negative phenomenon. After all, it represents the destruction of the institution of the family. On the other hand, society is interested in ensuring that the "cells" of the society are healthy and prosperous, that they ensure the spiritual development of all members of the family, and this directly relates to the upbringing of children - the future generation. From which it can be concluded that divorce, being a compromise solution of two spouses who are no longer able to marry each other, has positive features for society and to some extent for themselves.

Social roles in the quality of the factor that influences divorce

The causes and consequences of divorce can be purelyindividual. But among them there is a category called behavioral causes. They include unacceptable qualities of one of the spouses. From a sociological point of view, this is an inability to try on the role of a wife or husband.

When a person marries, he must bethis is psychologically ready. In sociology there is such a concept - "social role": it means the expected behavior of a person, corresponding to its status. After the wedding, the girl gets the role of the wife, and the guy - the husband, and that means if one of them is not able to cope with its task, marriage collapses.

Examples of such reasons:

• solving problems scandals, rather than constructive dialogue;
• inability to distribute the family budget;
• Separate residence, which has no basis under itself;
• treason;
• alcohol or drug addiction of one of the spouses;
• illegal actions.

How to survive the divorce?

Sometimes without a divorce in any way. And the question is whether this is the only way out, the answer is only affirmative. But even if the divorce was a mutual decision and the couple managed without quarrels, scandals and beating cymbals, parting with a former partner, parting with a part of themselves, their world, the past way of life - it's hard. Divorce (causes, categories, consequences) - is it so important when it has already happened? But they say true: warned - so armed. The consequences of divorce have their own stages.

The phases of the experience of divorce

Psychologists distinguish four phases of experiencedivorce. The time frame for them is very conditional, for someone one phase can be delayed, mixed with another and so on. But depending on what kind of person the stage, the tips can be somewhat different.

The shock phase

"It's hard to believe" - ​​that's the expression,describing this phase. As always happens after major changes, a person can not immediately get used to what happened. Waking up in the morning, you have to remind yourself what happened, somehow cope with it. The shock can last as a few minutes, and it can take up to a couple of months. But the usual time frame is ten to twelve days. Psychologists advise not to shut yourself in, not to hide feelings, talk with family and friends, do not give up their support.

Depressive phase

At this stage, conscious suffering begins,lasting about nine weeks. When you believe in divorce still succeeds, a person is attacked by his present loneliness, fear of the future, helplessness. The feeling is as if the earth has left the ground. The support was - and now it is not. The meaning that was taken away, not to return, instead of it - a tangle of contradictions in the head and heart.

It becomes easier if you look at it withside. So, it is necessary to talk more, discuss the situation with someone, try to put everything in order at least a little so that emotions are not knocked down, and insult and guilt do not mix with bewilderment and anger.

If you go into depression and become withdrawn in yourself, it will lead to self-destruction, but you need to find the strength to live on, to make plans, to have a new meaning.

You can not concentrate only on yourexperiences. If there are children in the family, it is also not easy for them, and the parents' task, let them be divorced, calm them, help them to adapt in an unaccustomed world.

Phase of residual phenomena

This stage can last about a year after the divorce. The stage manifests itself not in prolonged suffering, but in short emotional shocks from common photos, random encounters and dates that the couple could mark together, and now they should not mean anything.

Common friends and traditions that only knewmarried couple, make the heart ache as if a stupid needle had settled in it. A person does not always think about his divorce, but he can not completely forget, especially when he is not ready to face the changes face to face, and they overtake him so suddenly.

Completion phase

The final, final phase occurs sometime in a year. Grief loses its power, in its place comes sadness.

Time heals - and this is true. For a year it is necessary to reconcile with the fact that life continues, and somehow it is necessary to live. To make new acquaintances and meet with friends, develop and progress, educate children and staunchly accept the sorrows of fate. As they are, and sometimes you have to meet joy alone - and the person understands it, gets used to it, learns.

Self-esteem is restored. In a couple of years, there is a need for a new relationship with another person, a willingness to meet love.

A full life begins when the paingives way to hope, the past does not pull after itself, it stays where it should be - far behind, while in front, on the contrary, they expect accomplishment and realization of goals and desires. If a person is ready to see this shining light - he is ready to live on.

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How to Survive the Divorce Process at 50

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